What the fuck is wrong with people? In 2012 Channel 9 feels the need to make Big Brother and people watch it? Goddammit. They must be so fucking proud of themselves. ‘Oh great job guys! The ratings are through the roof!’ Fuck you and fuck your ratings. There was nobody in Australia going ‘Jeez I wish they still made Big Brother. That show was great.’ Didn’t fucking happen. They went and made it anyway and people are fucking watching it!

It’s all over twitter. A whole bunch of people talking about how lame the new season of Big Brother is. What the fuck were you expecting? It’s Big Brother. A show which hasn’t had any edge for a decade.

I guess you just wanted to see what the housemates were like. I haven’t even watched it but I could guess there are a few dumb girls who are kinda pretty, a dumb fat girl, a lesbian or gay guy, some kind of minority, a farmer, a yuppie and a dude with zany hair or piercings or both. Am I wrong? I bet I’m not.

I hate the fact Channel 9 seems to get away with doing this shit. I mean they obviously have an audience (white, stupid, potentially racist) but fuck. They produce nothing of worth anymore. Underbelly is their idea of a quality drama. Yeah, great job guys. I remember the season where Matthew Newton (!) was the star. They had a scene where he was at passport control at an airport where he was trying to smuggle heroin. It’s set in the 70s but old Girl Basher Newton pulls out a red British passport. If they had bothered to do maybe, ummm, five seconds of research then they would have known that British Passports were blue in the 70s. But who the fuck cares when your audience will just swallow whatever you ejaculate on a nightly basis.

I am semi curious about this show about Kerry Packer and the birth of one-day cricket. It’s an interesting story and I would love to see how they do it. I have a terrible feeling though, like everything else Channel 9 seem to make it will be factually incorrect, badly acted horseshit. Still at least they are doffing their dunce hat to their old boss Kerry. At least when Kerry was running shit Channel 9 had a soul. He used to care about what went on his TV Channel. Now the place is run by bean counters and venture capitalists who only care about profits. If costs can be cut they will cut them. This is why they are making Big Brother. It’s cheap. Underbelly probably costs a bit more to make than Big Brother but it still looks cheap. Every season of Underbelly except the first one reminds me of ‘high quality’ porn. Bits of plot and violence squeezed in between a pair of huge fake tits. It’s hardly The Sopranos. It’s not even The Bill.

Channel 9 do still have the Cricket and Rugby League, which is nice. They have to have something worth watching. I can’t imagine they will be able to hang onto those sports for much longer though. It’s not their style. They have already pissed all over Kerry Packers beloved station, I bet they end up selling his beloved cricket to Channel 7 just so they can afford to keep Karl Stephanovic and Michael Slater in cocaine and Hugo Boss for a few more years. The Cricket and Rugby League (and for the last fortnight, the Olympics) are the only reason why I would watch Channel 9. When they get hocked I imagine nobody except the dangerously germophobic, xenophobic and mentally ill will even know it still exists because they will NEVER get rid of A Current Affair.

Until then, enjoy Big Brother Australia. You’ve waited long enough..